Frustrated and human...

     I usually have a positive and uplifted spirit each day about my state of being, my health, and the obstacles I have to overcome.....but I'm human and today I'm upset. I'm upset, not because I feel bad right now (although I do feel bad), but because sometimes our loved ones do not understand or consider what we need when we don't feel well.  It is hard to understand what Lupus or any chronic illness feels like if you've never had it, and I know that I am the only member of my family with a chronic illness. I also am aware that I am more sensitive and emotional when I am tired and don't feel well, but I'm going

to say this anyways.....

     It's no secret that I'm talking about my spouse. I love my husband. He is a kind, gentle, Christian man. He is a great father and a great provider. But we all fall short (as do I in many categories so please do not think this is a bashing). Attentiveness is not his strong point. He doesn't seem to notice when I need help. Or he does notice and chooses not to help because its easier to not help. He's human. And I don't expect to be catered to. I am an independent and strong-willed person. And I will NOT ask for help. So today I'm frustrated because I'm worn out and need help with the kids so I can sleep and feel better...needless to say, I'm wake and alone with my precious, energetic children, whom I love;) My family is a state away so asking them for help isn't a possibility. I feel bad that I'm frustrated, but the truth is that today I do not like that I need help. I am also intelligent enough to understand that I am responsible for part of the outcome since I am unwilling to ask for help. All that being said....Lupus today you have put me in a stinky mood. I don't like needing help from others. I'd rather be the person helping everyone else.

And on that note...I'm done and ready to be nice again!