Surprise

     So I must say that I am surprised to feel so tired and achy since my last infusion. I'm not sure if its because I had a bit of a bug at infusion time or if its because I'm working hard for back-to-school time in my classroom or because I didn't get to sleep and rest for 2 solid days in a row (like I did when I traveled over 400 miles to Atlanta without my precious children or husband)....but either way, I was surprised that my infusion didn't help me feel a whole lot better. Well, after saying that all out loud, I guess I'm not surprised! Maybe after this long weekend I will get rested and revamped and allow my infusion to reach it's maximum ability to improve my body! It just needs time to soak in while I'm resting and sleeping.
     On another note, my parent duties continue...I have no spoons left today. I'm exhausted and still have computer work to do tonight as a teacher, but as a parent, I truly need to go to the store to get groceries and some materials to make my 4 year old a costume for his Shape & Color Circus tomorrow at pre-school. He has not been able to decide what he wanted to be until tonight, only hours away from his event at 11 tomorrow. I was relying on the fact that I'd be able to throw something together tonight from old items we have from Halloween's past and that he could just be a clown or a muscle man. BUT NO. He has his heart set on being "cotton candy". Yes, you heard me right...thank you Pinterest (not sure why I showed him circus costumes we could make instead of showing him what I had in the closet...mistake 1 for me). So now, I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work (and he's running later tonight) so that I can go to Wal-Mart (which I hate going to---it's too big and always wears my knees out before I am ready to check out) and then come home and make a cotton candy costume for  Tip to wear tomorrow. Why am I doing this? Partly out of guilt. I stayed at home when my oldest, Ella McCray, was in PreSchool and put all of my "stay-at-home-Mom talents" and energy into hand making costumes and attending all events (with Pinterest made crafts for the entire class)....So although I know I could just tell him that Mommy is tired and we need to pick something out of our dress-up box, I feel the guilt of life circumstances (Lupus included). I hate to tell my children that I don't feel well. I don't want them realizing I'm sick...or tired. Although its impossible to always hide, I do try to shield them for the entirety that comes along with Lupus. So I opt not to use "mommy's tired" as my excuse...most of the time.

This is what he wants but in blue of course!

     So wish me luck tonight because I am probably digging myself a hole to lay in. What do you do? I am a type A personality and a perfectionist with a bit of OCD.... I have learned to let go of a lot because I can't do it all anymore, but I don't want to let go of everything.