So tonight I feel like I could ramble....my husband used to listen to a popular radio show that did a clip on "5 Minutes in the Mind of a Woman". They mocked, or poked fun at, how women's brains go from one thought to another.....Is there another way to think?? My mind races 90 miles-a-minute from one thought to another to another. Never slowing down, even at bedtime (thank you Prednisone for that). I'm not sure I'd know what to do with silence. Maybe it's being a mom that allows your brain to process many different tasks a the same time and then trains your brain to go from one thing to the next. Efficiency. How else could we take care of everyone in our family. How else could we get everything on our "To Do List" done? I think this is what our brains have been trained to do so that everything can get accomplished in one day, in a timely manner.
On another note, I feel yucky right now. I have gone through a full day of teaching first grade ( not to forget getting myself and my two children up and dressed and off to school with lunches packed and homework completed all before 7:15) and then made sure that my daughter got off to gymnastics, picked up my son from the sitters and dropped off a friend's child, then I tutored a student, helped a new teacher move her stuff into her classroom, took my son to soccer practice, entertained two girls during practice, attended our school PTO meeting, and then fed, bathed, and put two children to bed!!! I'm exhausted. Even if I was healthy that would have been a busy day... but while I'm flaring up, today was a miracle that I finished. Thank you God!!!
I have had many friends tell me that they have prayed for my "healing" and that they know God can heal me from my lupus....my internal response was "What? Why are they praying for complete healing?" I didn't even pray for healing. I don't need to be healed, nor want to be...mostly because deep in my heart I know that my lupus plays a role in my life, in God's will. He has broken me so that he can use and mold me. It almost seems "uncomfortable" to my heart when they say this because I know that God's will for me does not include healing. I just say thank you... and I've told a few of my close friends that I don't pray for healing and therefore know God won't answer this prayer and that I feel its unnecessary. Sure, it would be great to be healthy and pain free again, but I know it wouldn't be God's will for me. For me. We are all different.
So to wind down and begin to turn my brain down a notch, I'm sitting in bed writing this blog, drinking a glass of Sangria, and watching the ID Channel (one of my favorites). I hope that I sleep okay tonight. I'm off of all my sleep meds after 5 years or so(other than wine), so it's a battle against my steroids some nights. And my perfume for the evening is a mix of Icy-Hot and my heating pad, that uses natural beans, and smells like a funny popcorn. Ah, the life of a lupie. You never run out of Advil, Icy-Hot, or doctor appointments. But altogether, today wasn't too bad. I got through it and I"m still here. No hospital visit. And I get to go back to work tomorrow;) Thank you God for all my blessings. For my health (be it what it may), for my children's health, for my job and the people I work with, for my husband, and my mother and sister who support me, for my hair (what I have left on my head dispite the thinning and bald patches), for the country that we live in and all the freedoms that come along with it, for modern medicine (my Benlysta especially), and for life itself. I feel so very gracious and grateful.
No comments:
Post a Comment