Weight Gain on Steroids

 My challenge: seeing myself in the mirror everyday and not feeling like I look like myself....
As anyone with a chronic illness knows, years of steroids and other medications can cause weight gain and after 6 years, you don't look like yourself any more. I don't mind my lupus too much (even the pain , fatigue and health problems) but the weight bothers me....maybe I'm vain. I don't think I am, but not feeling like yourself in your own body can be hard. I don't mind so much that I'm 30+ pounds heavier now than I was when I was diagnosed....but I mind that my face does not look normal to me and that my arms are suddenly much bigger since my thyroid has changed (along with my hypothyroidism or Hoshimoto's). I do mind that I now out way my husband by 45 pounds!!! And that my daughter asks why I'm so much bigger??? I'm trying to love me for me, where I am, regardless of where I've been or what I'm used to. But this is hard! I'm trying to post more pictures or me...not because I love to take selfless, but because I'm trying to not feel disgusted with what I look like due to my lupus! This is me now...

And here is the me I am used to seeing....

Cliff and me after we had gotten married...maybe 7 years ago.

New Year's Eve 7 year's ago (I'm 2nd from the left).

My dad and me at my engagement party for my sister 10 years ago.

I'm used to being thin and not having to struggle with my eating or extra weight.....and 6 1/2 years on steroids will do some damage, I don't care who you are! I know it isn't just me...but having a chronic illness and being on steroids daily can cause a moon face and a "plump and perky turkey" body...oh, the things we must deal with in life. It sounds silly. How lucky I am to have my weight gain as a horrible side effect of my illness...if that's the worst I get to deal with know then I know I'm blessed.