Six hours alone in a car is a lot of think time...a lot of reflecting and planning. So on my ride home through Tennessee I thought a lot of things. But one of the biggies is I decided I'm done with Lupus! This might sound stupid or smart, naive or brilliant, genius or desperate....I'm not sure how it sounds. But today, its how I feel. I will forever be on Benlysta infusions every 4 weeks along with lots of other meds, but I want to be normal. I want to accept the kindergarten teaching position for next year that I've been offered. I want to exercise and get my body back...20 pounds of steroids back! I am done. I am living each day as if I were normal (logically, I am aware that this might not be possible). I am a very independent person. When I had just graduated college I wanted to move into my new house and no one was available to help me the day I wanted to move, and I didn't want to wait a second more, so I moved it all myself-I loaded an entire house up in a truck and unloaded alone- mattresses, boxsprings, dressers, closets full of clothes, china cabinets and sofas. This 115 pound girl (at the time) did it all and never batted an eye...I want her back!! I want to be ME again...so I'm done with Lupus, I wash my hands of it. I'm going to make a call in the morning and accept my dream job for next year, no matter what my body thinks! I'm going to start exercising tomorrow! I'm also starting to watch two children out of my home tomorrow...LIFE, I'M BACK!!
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